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It started with black wings
It ended with black eyes
And it lost you somewhere
Along that path
That rested in the sunlight
And dove into the shadows
You thought you wouldn’t lose yourself
Tied yourself to that string of faith
You were off to face the Minotaur
Theseus that you were
Writing your own Odyssey
You lost your innocence
By that mistake in ignorance
You weren’t meant to be saved
Because your lies were already written
And your sins already sinned
In that second you were born
That wailing in the wind
Lovely baby
Sweet child
Can you catch the tears of your mother?
Can you catch the blows of your father?
Why must sister cry?
Why must the gods play
With spindle fingers
With that thread of trust
That you tied around yourself.
Why did you trip?
Why did you spill?
Erasing yourself in completion of your epic
Did you find love?
Did you find answers?
Did the shadows lead you to light?
Or did the light lead you in circles
To shadows
Why did you trip?
Why were you lost?
Why did those spindle fingers not bleed
When they tore your immortal thread
And the Fates, the blasphemy
They abandoned their child
To trip and to spill
To lose himself along that path of shadows
And that thread of faith
It was twined with corruption
Poor child
Lovely child
Sweet child.
You had sinned in innocence
Lied in ignorance.
Theseus of mine
You lost yourself to the Minotaur
From black wings
To black eyes.
©2005-2009 ~chiguai
:iconchiguai:

Author's Comments

Mainly thought up to follow the style of Ashes Ashes. Note to self: Never try to do something in the same style as something you did before. Ashes Ashes was a fluke. Theseus doesn't flow so well and um it makes absolutely no sense. So have fun playing ping pong with it in your mind xP

Comments


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:iconklezibaby88:
to be absolutely truthful--i had no idea what the hell was going on, or the story behind theseus--but i do like your choice of words--and my favorite part is how you wrapped up the last couple of lines--very nice

--
paz y amor!
:iconchiguai:
thank you
truthfully i have no idea whats going on either xP
I leave it completely up to the person who reads it to make sense of it
The part about theseus and the minotaur is a greek myth and it just got incorporated into the poem by accident

--
Egad!
:iconklezibaby88:
thats cool--even tho its there by accident, it still goes along smoothly--i think its very good

--
paz y amor!
:iconfoxfairy24:
Beautiful! Really well done!
:iconilmai-medetai:
Wow..

There were a just few lines in the beginning that could be slightly tweaked. (i.e. "along that path/ that rested in shadows", maybe it would be better to just leave out "along that path"? Also, you could take out the second "that" in "With that thread of trust/ That you tied around yourself.")
Another possible change: "and the Fates, the blasphemy/ they abandoned their child .." to: "and the Fates, their blasphemy/ that they abandoned their child.." (Just a thought I had)

But all of sudden, the poem really sped up (in my mind XD) and the imagery became more vivid, and ended in that awesome last line "from black wings/ to black eyes." XD I just love this poem, and the way you described how the gods played with his fate. *favorite, for sure!* ^_^

--
Now I have lost myself I am sick of baggage -
-Tulips, by Sylvia Plath
:iconchiguai:
Thank you!!! I am sure a lot of lines need to be fixed. This poem just doesn't flow but waah!! you are so good at fixing writing pieces, I can never do it. I'll be sure to try to fix my poem along to your advice but I am being rather lazy at the moment xP I don't get why people like the last line thought 0.o

--
Egad!
:iconchiguai:
Thank you v. much!!

--
Egad!
:iconchiguai:
thank you! I think I'll have accidents more often rofls

--
Egad!
:iconilmai-medetai:
^_^ I like editing. I think it's something I got from my mom always insisting on editing my work. XD Or something like that.
It's because it rhymes! XD XD

--
Now I have lost myself I am sick of baggage -
-Tulips, by Sylvia Plath

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August 24, 2005
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